December 10th, 2015

α Mira, Mira

The Joys of Multiple Sclerosis

The subtitle of this journal very appropriate for me. If you're not familiar, the River Lethe is in the river of forgetfulness or oblivion that runs through the Greek-Roman Underworld. The average shade would drink from the river after having crossed the River Styx and forget their lives as they roamed the underworld. This was the fate of the average person; not good or heroic to be rewarded by going to the Elysium Fields and not evil enough to be punished in Tartarus. Lethe (Oblivio in Latin) was the goddess/nymph of the river of the same name.

The type of MS I have is slowly robbing me of my memories and making it difficult to form new ones. I no longer remember my first kiss. I know it happened, and I think I know who it was when I was in high school, but I can't describe it. All I have left are dry facts. (Name redacted) was my first kiss, I think. That's it. I don't know anymore how old I was, which grade I was in, which grade he was in (I was a grade ahead), or where it happened.

That's just one example out of many, and who knows what memories are gone that I don't even have the dry facts for? For example, I was looking for a place in the rodent cemetery in my back yard (where the pet rats and mice I've had over the past 7 years have been laid to rest) for Mycroft's grave. He had a major stroke or aneurysm on 11/29/15 at about 8pm, when I noticed he couldn't move and had fresh blood coming out of his right ear. Hubby and I didn't think he'd make it through the night, but he did, so he was euthanized at about 10am 11/30/15. Due to 2 flooding rain events, we haven't been able to bury him until now (he's been in the freezer, wrapped in a purple shroud).

I have a Draw document with the names and locations of the graves, which needed updating badly. Fortunately I also had a Write document that was a list and mini-biography for every rat we've had. I'd completely forgotten three of my rats until I saw their names on the list and read their bios. Over 2 years of having each of them, and I can't remember two of the three at all. Empty spot in my memory, like a hole.

How many things have I forgotten completely? Who have I forgotten?

What will be next?

When will I forget my husband?

When will I forget myself?

Edit: Crossposted from The title of that journal is "Escape From Reality: One Sip from the Lethe at a Time". It seems reality follows me wherever I go.