Author: Rhiannon - rhian_morwenna
Summary: Then there was nothing.
Word Count: 1042
Characters: Carson Beckett, Rodney McKay, John Sheppard
Genre: Angst, Dark Fic, AU
Warning: character death, drug use
Series: The 7 Sins of Dr. Beckett – Challenge table here
Disclaimer: Don’t own (sigh), never will.
Author's Note: Response to the 7_deadly_sins_Challenge #4, Sloth. Italics are Carson’s thoughts. Thanks to lvs2read for the quick beta.
The prequel to this story is Slow Dance, and the sequel is Left Behind.
Carson stood on the balcony of his their quarters, staring at the sea, a bottle of Scotch in his hand. One week. One week since you left me. One week since the botched mission that brought Rodney my love bloody and beaten into his infirmary. The surgery to try failed to stop the internal bleeding. As Rodney crashed died on the table, the room filled with a blinding light. Then there was nothing. No body Rodney on the table, just the surgical tools and monitor leads. Carson stared in disbelief shock at the empty table, before he leaned against the back wall and slid to the floor.
Carson barely remembered blocked out Dr. Biro and the nurses pulling him to his feet, scrubbing him out. John took him by the shoulder and led him to his own quarters, not letting allowing Carson be alone. John sat on the couch next to Carson You let Rodney die on that mission! and didn’t say anything. Carson did remember looking over at John, blood Rodney still streaking the side of his face. He put his arm around John’s shoulders and pulled him close. He closed his eyes and kissed John Rodney on the lips, before running his tongue up John’s Rodney’s face, tasting the blood, the last of Rodney. John pulled away Rodney left him again, and muttered something that Carson ignored. John left the room, and when he came back he was wearing a clean shirt and trousers, smelling like soap, hair still wet. You erased Rodney. Carson numbly ate the food John put in front of him.
The next day Carson was taken forced to his their quarters. He ignored John questioning if he wanted company a babysitter, shutting the door behind him. He took a shower, hoping the water would wash away the pain. Why couldn’t it? It washed away everything else. Getting his clothes, he saw that someone had been in his quarters. Anything that could be considered a weapon had been removed. Bastards. Carson went to the compartment that could only be opened with the ATA gene. It slid open, and Carson smiled. Thought you found everything, didn’t you? He pulled out one of the many bottles of Scotch brought smuggled from Earth on the Daedalus. He also pulled out a bottle of pills before mentally closing the compartment. He sat down on the bed, took two pills out of the bottle, and washed them down with the Scotch. He lay down on the bed, smelling Rodney on the pillows, when the alcohol and drugs kicked in, pulling him into a dreamless sleep. Blissful oblivion.
Carson passed the next several days the same, leaving his quarters only for Rodney’s memorial service. Why did you leave me alone? After the service, John tried to get him to talk, his own eyes bloodshot and swollen. You cry for us both. Carson simply stared at nothing while John talked.
The week passed in a drunken, drugged haze, eating hiding enough food that John brought him to be left alone. He stood on the balcony, staring at the sea. He raised the bottle to his lips sweet burning kiss and took another deep drink. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and Carson turned, ready to tell John to leave him alone bugger off. He clutched the bottle tightly to him, convinced he had finally gone mad.
“Carson, why are you doing this?”
Carson stared, blinking at the figure in front of him. Rodney my beloved stood in white robes, glowing light surrounding him. He blinked, the light hurting his eyes, not saying a word.
“Carson, talk to me.”
“Ya’re not real. Ya’re dead. I’m not gonna ‘ave a conversation with a bloody ‘allucination!”
Rodney took the bottle out of Carson's hand, sat it down, and clasped both of Carson’s hands in his. Rodney looked into Carson’s eyes. Carson stared, unable to speak. Why must a hallucination have his eyes?
“I am real. Yes, I am dead, but I am not a hallucination. You know exactly what happened.”
“Ya LEFT me, ALONE!” Carson shouted at Rodney, before pulling Rodney into his arms, holding him solid hallucination, maybe the Scotch is working tight. “Ya said ya’d never leave me, tha’ we’d always be together. I need ya, and ya went an’ left me,” Carson sobbed into Rodney’s shoulder.
Rodney held Carson as he sobbed, stroking his hair. “I’m here now. I never left you, even if you couldn’t see me. I will stay with you as long as I can,” Rodney paused pulling away from Carson, looking him in his eyes again. “If you keep this up, you won’t be able to join me in your time. Killing yourself like this is not the way for us to be together.”
“Wha’ are ya talkin’ about?”
“When it is your time, you will join me, we will always be together. This is not your time, though. If you die like this, you can’t follow me. You know how Ascension works.”
“When can I follow ya?”
“Later. You still have purpose here, things you must do. I will always be watching, and I will be with you when it is your time.” Rodney broke his gaze and looked up, listening to something only he could hear.
“Carson, I have to go. Live. Live for me, and we will be together.”
Carson clutched him again, holding him tight. “I luv ya, Rodney, I always will,” he sobbed.
Rodney kissed him. “I know, and I love you. Please remember, you don’t have to be alone while you live. There are others who love you, too,” Rodney said as he started to fade away. “I’ll be waiting for you.”
Carson was left alone on the balcony as he watched Rodney fade into light, and drift upwards. He stared at Rodney as long as he could, and didn’t hear someone else join him on the balcony.
“I thought I heard…,” John trailed off as he looked where Carson was staring, seeing Rodney’s face before the light disappeared completely, leaving the sky empty. He stood quietly next to Carson for a moment, before gently grasping one of his arms.
“Come on in, it’s getting cold out here. I’ll get us something to eat. He’d want you to eat.”